I'm writing a book....What do you think so far?

What would you do if you could never see your parents again? How would you react if you found out that a world lies on your shoulders? What if you couldn’t escape? These are the questions Zackary and Joshua Carson must face with their friend Samantha Holloway. But, of course, I’m getting ahead of myself. It all started at school.


It was 2:15, which meant it was fifteen minutes until school ended for the summer. Too everyone in this classroom it seemed to tick along. Every second felt like and hour. But not for Samantha Holloway, but call her Sam, because she will hurt you if you call her Samantha. Just ask little Jimmy, he called her Samantha by accident in first grade. Poor kid, she sprung behind him and kicked him in the back of the knees. He feel down like a stack of bricks and started crying for his mother. Turns out Sam kicked him so hard he had to be in a wheelchair for two years. Jimmy switched schools the next Friday, no one has seen him since.


Sam flicked a piece of hair from her face. She had side bangs swept behind her right ear, which was the only piece of hair that was in her face. Because Sam always had her hair in a high ponytail. But don’t think that she was the girl that considered a cardboard cut-out of Carmon Electra her role model. It was more like Avril Lagvine. She was the most boyish girl you will ever meet. She might be boy like, but is pretty boy obsessed. She is a little less then five and a half feet tall, for a 7th grader that’s pretty tall. Back when she was little she always had short hair, up to her ears. But then it sort of frizzed out, so she is now growing it out.


She wasn’t really self-conscious about herself until she met Chase Carson. Just at that moment a boy slightly shorter then Sam is passed her a note. The boy had blonde hair that reached half way down his neck, where it flipped. And his bangs reached half way down his eyes, his bright green eyes. He was Chase Carson. Chase slightly threw her the note as he bent in and said under his breath.


“Here you go, Samantha” he said with a smirk.


Oh how Sam just wanted to wring his neck. But she just…couldn’t. She somehow just couldn’t hurt him. Sort of like the time last year when he broke his leg, her leg throbbed with pain until his leg was healed. She found it way to strange for her liking. She just rolled her eyes and opened the note.


Hey, Sam. Me and Chase are going to the swimming hole after school. Wanan join? Of course you don’t really have a choice. Since no one will be home…Anyway. Happy almost summer vacation!!! Um…You have your swimming suit under your clothes right? Well if not, we always have Serenity’s clothes at our house. They may be a bit to small for you though. Just tell me ‘yes’ and it’s a plan. And please, can you and Chase be a little civil to each other, for a minute? Please? Well I suppose it’s a lost case. Anyways, just say ‘yes’ or ‘no’





Josh





Sam walked over to Josh’s seat, without the teacher noticing because he was to busy on his computer, and said, “yeah. Of course!”


Josh, Joshua actually, don’t call him that or Sam will injure you. Josh is a little cowardly, actually he’s probably the most anxious boy you will ever meet. And so Sam has always been the protector of him, since his brother and twin, Chase, won’t she has to. But somehow, Chase always comes through for her when she needs him most. But he denies it anytime she mentions it. Because since he’s so popular and has had so many cheap girlfriends, it will make him look bad. All of Sam’s friends has always had a crush on Chase, and the question they always ask is ‘how do you know he likes someone?’ The truth is, even Sam has no clue when he likes someone. He will give all his attention to a girl, then his interest turns on another girl in less then a second. Josh on the other hand, is shy and quiet. He isn’t popular at all. Because since Chase likes to torture him, all of Chase’s friends, in other words the whole school, doesn’t exactly like Josh. But he has always had Sam, and that has always been fine with him. But Josh has been intreasted in another girl lately, Alexis. Now, Sam has always been the jealous type. But she didn’t care. Which is a good thing for her, because she really didn’t want to like Josh.


Alexis is the petite little blonde that every boy swoons over. Every boy, except Chase. It’s rather weird. Because Chase is known as the school skirt chaser. He’s friends with he and he flirts with her. Heck, he even has her in his AIM buddy info. But it seems as if he doesn’t really care about anything she does.


Alexis, hates Sam. For no reason whatsoever. She spreads rumors about her to Chase and his friends. Well, I guess she’ll never know.


“Ok, class you are dismissed.” The substitute teacher said. The kids named him Mr.Fishlips, because his lips where so chapped. And all through class he would lick them and pieces of dead skin would slowly fall to the ground. And he would pick the skin and flick it out to the class. Poor Caleb, he was in the frount row. At 2:00 his hair, that was once black as the night sky, was now white as a ghost. It was easy to see he was holding back gagging.


As soon as Mr.Fishlips dismissed the class everyone bolted out.

I'm writing a book....What do you think so far?
To be honest, I lost track of the story in the second paragraph, when you were explaining Sam. You don't need so much background and detail right at the beginning of the story. You can explain that Sam hates being called Samantha or that Josh isn't popular through the course of the story.
Reply:great
Reply:its okay you just didn't tell the plot it would be a lot easier to answer if it is good with a plot
Reply:Becca, not wishing to be unkind I would have to say that your writing is unskilled and amateurish at this stage.





Of course you may someday become a professional writer but not until you enlarge your vocabulary and develop a knowledge of syntax and provocative style.





At present you merely describe situations using words no more erudite than a grade ten high school student.





If you are highly motivated and really want to become a writer, the first step would be to attend creative writing classes, either in your school or at some other learning center.





The second step is to read and carefully study how successful writers present their work. The first book recommended by teachers in this field is "The Old Man and the Sea". It will teach you to express your thoughts in short sentences, full of meaning. At present, (forgive my criticism) your sentences have a tendency to meander, thus losing the reader's attention.





Every successful writer I've spoken with said that he/she "read and copied the masters until they were able to develop their own style".





A very recent but easily obtained book by author Dan Brown, called "Deception Point" is a powerful example of how a writer can capture the reader's attention and that is what a writer has to do. Please read it. Then try to write a few paragraphs, using the same techniques that you will have observed.





Writing is a combination of art and craftsmanship,requiring intense patience, skill and discipline.


If you have all these characteristics and then are willing to develop them, there is no reason for you not to become the writer you would like to be.





Much good luck.
Reply:You don't need to describe your characters in so much detail right at the beginning. Let them develop gradually throughout your story. And the fact that they're seventh graders and Chase has 'had so many cheap girlfriends'. They're 12 and 13. Who has so many cheap girlfriends at 12 or 13? Seriously?! Also there doesn't need to be so much detail about the kid Sam beat up because he called her Samantha. Just leave it to the reader's imagination. Cuz during all the long descriptions, I was losing interest and wondering where the point was.