The beginning of my story?

So can you tell me how the beginning of this is!





I just started a month ago and have had a writers block so don't be so hard on me about how bad it it. I am also only 13 so it's probably not so good!





So comment what i should fix and I also need names!





When my parents died I went and stayed with my aunt and uncle. What a great idea that was! They think I'm a disgrace to there religion or social life or something like that. It's because I didn't do anything, I guess! I don't understand them, they want to be perfect, I think that was the only reason they took me in. To make everyone believe they were the perfect people in the world. Like one of those families you see in movies. Like that was real! When they told me they were sending me off to live with a cousin I was almost going to scream hallelujah right in front of them. How rude that would be. I was brought up better then that.





I didn't quite know who or what they were talking about when they told me. They only said it was some where in Alaska and my cousins name was Kate and she was related to me by my dads side or something like that. But anything is better then staying in a suburb in Beverly Hills! I don't understand how worped life got after my parents died. It was so fast and now I was moving again. To a unknown place and to an unknown person. But it was better then staying with Mr and Mrs Perfect!





"Rebecca" my aunt called


"It's time to go your going to miss the flight if you don't hurry!"


"coming" I said as I was wincing to the sound of too perfect voice





I grabbed my single duffle bag and headed out of "my" room. It wasn't actually my room but that's what they wanted me to call it while I was there. It was more like a hospital room then in was my room!





The whole car ride to the airport was mostly quiet accept for the occasional small talk! But I liked quiet. I use to hate it, but since the accident I didn't mind it quite as much! As I got on the plane my aunt waved a short goodbye and I was off. I didn't know what to expect when I landed.





When I found out where I was going I was in a way relieved that it was a small town. It was called Denali and there were only 50 students in my junior class that was also mixed in the seniors! Things were going to be different then in Beverly Hills. When I landed I winced as I was leaving the warm comfortable plane into the cold, icy outside! People here were going to expect me to have a perfect tan and play volleyball on the beach with all of the hot surfers in L.A., but I was fair skinned not muscular and couldn't hit a volley ball for my life.





When I got off the plane I heard a soft voice calling my name.





"Rebecca, Rebecca" someone called





It was a soft comforting voice. When I saw who it was I stared in a dazed wonder. She was so young and beautiful. She was barely older then me. Maybe a year or two older. She had sandy wavy blonde long hair and very pale skin. At least I would blend in here I thought to myself. When she caught my gaze she ran towards me with a devistatingly beautiful smile. I gasped when she touched me, she was cold as ice but I guess that's what you feel like when you live in a frozen city.





"I'm so glad to see you, Rebecca", she said I interupted her and quickly said, "Becca, call me Becca!". She repeated Becca and kept on talking! I nodded once and starting concentrating on what she was rambling about. "When I heard you needed somewhere to stay from your Aunt I just couldn't say no. Becca your going to love it here, I already got you enrolled at the high school and everything!" she said





I was so relieved when I heard she actually wanted me to come. She looked down with a discouraging smile at my small single duffle bag. "Is that all you brought?", she said in a discouraging voice. I nodded, "Well I guess were going to have to take you shopping, I guess". I didn't want her to spend money on me but she kept insisting that after I settled in we go to the city and have a huge shopping spree. I couldn't say no because I thought I would dissapoint her!





When we finally got inside her car I gasped in relief at the warmth inside. She looked at me with a puzzled expression. I think she didn't understand that I was cold. She looked back at the road and started her car. She started to mumble something that I didn't quite understand. I started to fiddle with my fingers, as she drove to my new home, all I could think is that it would only be temporary until she decided that I was too much and send me off to someone else just my aunt and unlce did. When I looked back at her she had a huge frown on her face and was motionless while she drove. I wanted to ask what was wrong but I didn't think that I should. She glanced my way and asked if I was hungry. I shook my head and she kept on staring at me. "What" I asked with irritation rising in my voice. "Oh nothing, I just thought you would be, well different!" I looked at her with a puzzled expression but didn't I bother to ask why she said that. I guessed that she was talking about my non L.A. skin and non muscular body!





We pulled up to a 2 story house that was quite larger then where I was living. My mouth dropped open and then I quickly shut it so it didn't seem like I was being rude! I didn't know how my cousin who did not have a job could afford to live in a house this size! "Blaire, I'm sorry I didn't tell you this before but I wasn't really expecting you quite so early so I didn't really set clean the house or have your room prepared!" I nodded, without speaking we both got out of the car and walked up to the door.





We went inside and it felt like it dropped 2 degrees in tempature. I followed her as she walked me to my new room. I bet it was going to be just as uncomfortable as the room in Beverly Hills! When she opened the door I gasped at how devistatingly comfortable it looked. There was a huge arched window showing the beautiful forest that surrounded Denali. The room was freshly coated with white paint and had a queen sized bed in the right corner, there was a desk across from the bed with a reading lamp on it and all the school supplies I needed for my new school. I looked at her blankly as if this was all a mirage! She smiled, "So, this is your room if you don't like it we can always move you to another room down the hall. My room is at the end of the hall. The bathroom is straight across from you! Do you like it?" I nodded still not looking at her. I was still stunned at how much I loved it here already. She let me put my things away while she went into town and got a pizza for us to eat. I fiddled around with my new things and was amazed at how much she really did want me here. It looked like I would stay here after all.





I sat down on my new bed and I felt a cold salty tear run down my face, and then I broke out and started bawling. For some reason I couldn't stop, I wrapped my arms around my legs as if I were in a ball. I couldn't breath I felt so terrible because I felt happy. My parents were dead and I was happy. I haven't been happy for a long time. But I still shouldn't be this happy if my parents weren't here with me. I slowly fell in unconsience, the next thing I knew Kate was waking me up for the first day off school. I guess she didn't wake me up last night to eat. I grabbed my bag and got dressed. I didn't look quite as horrible as I thought I did when I looked in my new bathroom mirror! I followed Kate out the door and she drove me to school. I got out and she pointed to the office building and I walked to it. "Becca, were really going to have to get you a car!", I looked at Kate with a baffled expression. She wanted to get me a car, I couldn't believe it. No one has ever wanted to get me anything like that.





I walked into the warm office room. The lady at the desk suddenly looked up from the novel she was reading and looked at me. "Rebecca Walker, I'm a new student!" , I said. "Oh, let me get your scedule dear", she said, "I should have know...", she mumbled. "Here you go, your first class is in the west wing." I nodded and strode out of the warm office building into the cold icy air looking for the west wing. I found it very easily, I walked in and down the hall to my first class which was english.





I wasn't quite sure how people would react to me. When I walked into the class room all of the students there looked up at me! I then walked up to the teacher whos name I only new was because he had a plack on his wall saying he had a degree, Mr. Turner his name was. He looked up from grading papers and said, "yes, how may I help you?", "I'm new, my name is.." he cut me off "Rebecca, oh we've been expecting you!" I quietly mumbled "Becca" thinking he wouldn't hear me, but he did because he looked at me with a puzzled expression. He pointed to an empty desk and said there are no assigned seats so tomarrow I was free to choose to sit where ever I wanted tomarrow!





I sat next to a bubbly looking girl in the back row, she had blonde straight hair and had lots of freckles. She turned and looked at me. "Hi, my name is Abigail Richards, but you can call me Abby!" I looked at her like as if she said something in a totally different language. But I wasn't going to be rude so I responded by saying "Hello, I'm Rebecca, but you can call me Becca."





"I love that name", she said with a huge grin,


"thanks", I mumbled it so low I wondered if she could here me. She turned away proudly as if she had won an award for talking to me.





It turned out that we spent half the morning in Mr. Turner's class, so after that was over I went to lunch. My new "friend" led me to the cafeteria. She pointed out all the people in the cafeteria. All of the sudden someone caught my eye. "There so..." she cut me off, "Pale, yeah that's Jacob Hale, Bree Hale, and Kyle Peircing", "there a little bit different then the rest of us!" What do you mean?", I said without looking at her to talk to her.





"Oh it's nothing!", she said


"ok", I let the subject drop after that!





Aftere lunch everything went so fast it was like a hazy dream. When school was out I walked outside and saw a brand new Red Toyota Prius Hybrid out side. I walked by it wondering whos it was. There was a little slip of paper on the car windsheild, I glanced at it and saw that it said "To Becca". I picked up the paper and read,





To Becca,





I know you had your license and I thought as a welcoming gift I would suprise you with a car! I can't exactly drive you to and from school so I thought I would give it to you now. Sorry I wasn't there to see you expression, hope you love it.





Love, Kate





P.S. I heard red was your favorite color!





After I read the neat handwritten note I was shocked that I had my own car. I didn't actually think she would buy me car. Let alone a new car. I thought she might have gotten me a cheap used car or truck or maybe not one at all. I don't understand how Kate had all this money. She didn't even have a job. I don't know who her parents are but they must be giving her money. I got in the, no 'my' new car. It had black leather seats and the keys were already in the ignition with a neat little red bow around the stearing wheel. I was excited. I couldn't believe it. I turned the car on and drove home. It already had directions to my new house in the 'On Star" GPS navigation system!





When I arrived at my new home no one was there. I walked into the house and ran up to my room. For some reason the next thing I knew it was morning. I had many days like these where I wouldn't remember anything and would just stare at the wall for hours! The doctor in Beverly Hills said I was canatonic or something, but I knew I just wanted to numb the pain that I felt. I slowly got up and got dressed. I drove myself to school. Kate had already left for her early morning classes when I got up! As I drove into the small little school parking lot Abby was standing there in a small group waving me towards her. I got out of the car slower then I usual would so I wouldn't have to talk to her for long.





I walked up to her and she had a huge grin on her face! She pointed out all the names of the people standing with her. There was a blonde headed boy that went by the name of Kyler Mason and two other girls named Ella Banks and Melanie Griffin. They all smiled at be but Melanie who quickly turned away and walked into class with out even saying hello. It was quite annoying being new, I always had to interupt people and tell them to call be "Becca" instead of "Rebecca"!





The day went really fast, I decided to go home early before 7th period because I had already taken Junior math and they still hadn't changed my scedule to Senior math. As I was walking out I quickly remebered I forgot my book in my locker. As I was turning around someone started speaking to me. "You know you really shouldn't ditch class!", I swiftly turned around and answered quickly "I once read in a book that ditching was healthy!" I quickly added "sometimes"! But then I saw who it was and gasped at how strangely beautiful he was. It was Jacob Walker talking to me.





"Oh, so your a reader!?", He added


"yes, if you must know", I ansered with confedence that I didn't know I had!





I quickly started walking to my locker so I could leave, but some how he got infront of me!

The beginning of my story?
It's quite good. There are a few spelling typos, and a bit too many exclamation points. It also sounds a bit like Twilight. But for all intents and purposes, it sounds like a good story. ^_^
Reply:wow.. pretty good. yahh, just fix the typo's.


some names::: Ashley, Nikki, Sammy, Matthew, Josh, Christian, Maggie. (those are some of my BFF's names)
Reply:You should have more confidence in your story! I really like the beginning so far. Your story so far is just the type of book i like to read...Anyway, you can always wait a few years and come back to it, that way you can start on other stories and you can become more experienced and fix your own story if you don't want a friend or family member to read it. (I'm trying to write too, and I understand what you mean about a writer's block) Good Luck on your story!
Reply:um, it sounds a lot like twilight but its good
Reply:It is a well written story so far. The only think I didn't like was your overuse of exclamation marks. Please work on that. It sounded like it could be a true story. I would love to hear the rest of the story. So, I don't know, e-mail it to me I guess.





Names? Hmm, Julius (guy), Geneva(girl). I can't think of much. I'm not good with giving names at the spare of the moment and I do not want to think up anymore.


You could also add some native Alaskan people to it. I think they look different too, maybe tanner skin.





Plus something bad is going to have to happen soon. I don't know what. Maybe her cousin Kate is a fraud and that is why she has all that money. Or if not that maybe Becca has to make a hard decision on something soon. Not sure though.





Well hope that helps. Best wishes on your story. :-)