College Admissions Essay?

I am writing about how a class I have taken has inspired me to become involved in the medical field. This is all I have so far:





As I stood there with the needle clenched between my fingers and my hands nervously shaking, I could barely comprehend what I was about to do. This was a real live person that I was about to perform on. I was so petrified that I was going to hurt her. Quickly, I pierced her skin with the needle and delved deep for a vein. Finally, a sense of relief overcame my body when the tube began to fill with blood.


Hitting that vein and filling that tube of blood was just the tip of the iceberg. I knew from the moment that I stepped foot into Mr. Johnson’s third period Laboratory Assistant class, that I had found out just what I wanted to do with my life. I knew the medical field was definitely my forte.





I am not exactly sure where to go from here. Can someone please give me some ideas? Thanks!!

College Admissions Essay?
Should really come from you, I understand writer's block and needing advice to get your thoughts flowing though. You can continue with something like, "Many of my friends have no idea what they want to do, they intend to use their first two years in college trying to figure it out before they are forced to choose a major, but I know without a doubt at this moment in my life that nursing is my destiny." By the way, you may be having a writer's block because, you're not really sure if this is what you want to do! Or whether or not you're really wanting to goto college or whether or not it's sort of being forced on you! There is so much pressure to impress and not be yourself that I don't blame you for writing essays in which you feel you are thinking about everything you say in detail rather than actually expressing yourself and your emotions. I know that I am recently interested in the field of medicine and I would say something like, "I look around me and I see what other people do for a living. I think back to my days in television, education, and culinary service. It's like none of it really meant anything. The decision to become a nurse just FEELS right. It feels like me, it feels like a good decision, and it's something I know I am capable of if I just work hard enough. I would be honored to be given the opportunity to work on my BSN degree in nursing at your college (or university). Anyway, I don't know whether you watch Grey's Anatomy or not but I like the theme you have going here, it reminds me of the first episode in the season this year where the character Lexi says to the character George O'Malley "And you...you delivered a BABY today".
Reply:Just go on with your forte or inclination in life. As you go on and allow yourself be trained in the medical field you chose, you'll learn to handle more your emotions - knowing than every work must be done objectively as long as you are doing the right thing which is sustaining life.
Reply:Let's start with what you have. It's good (only one or two grammatical errors that you can take care of later), but I would change the last word from "forte" to "calling." Although forte shows some reasonably impressive vocabulary, it does not correctly elaborate the previous sentence. You want a word that parallels "what I wanted to do with my life."





As for the rest of it, describe what kind of medicine you want to go into and how exactly Mr. Johnson's class made you realize that you wanted to do it.
Reply:Think of more events where you can personalise. However stay within the medical theme as in how you had derived a sense of happiness being of help to people and how the events further motivated you in you daily activities. It should be people oriented stuffs afterall being a doctor is like trying to improve the lives of your patients?