Anybody up for military humor this morning?

Most of you have probably read all of these, but they still bring a smile to my face.





Aim towards the enemy. - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher


You don't win a war by dying for your country. You win a war by making the other son-of-a-***** die for his. - General Patton


When the pin is pulled, mr. Grenade is not our friend. -US Marine Corps


If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.


Cluster bombing from b-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground. - U.S.A.F. Armament Group


The difficult we do immediately. The impossible takes a little while longer. - U.S. Navy Seabees


If the enemy is in range, so are you. - Infantry Journal


Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons!


A slipping gear could let your m203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit. - Army's magazine of prevention maintenance


When in doubt empty the magazine.


It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed - US. Air Force manual


If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with green, baggy skin.


It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed. - U.S. Army Ordnance


Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.


Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid. - Col. David Hackworth


You, you, and you: Panic. The rest of you, come with me.


If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush. - Infantry Journal


Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.


Any ship can be a minesweeper....once. - Anonymous


Incoming fire has the right of way.


Never tell the platoon sergeant you have nothing to do. - Unknown Marine Recruit


Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire.


Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you. - Infantry Journal


Tracers work both ways.


If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him. - U.S.A.F. Armament Group


Five second fuses only last three seconds.


Who cares if a laser guided 500 lb bomb is accurate to within 9 feet?


The easy way is always mined.


Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.


Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you.


Never trust a private with a loaded weapon, or an officer with a map.


If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.


Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.


Push to test... Release to detonate.


Those who beat their swords into plowshares will plow for those who don't.


There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.


No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.


Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.


The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war.


The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions: 1. When you're ready for them. 2. When you're not ready for them.


Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.


Friendly fire - isn't.


Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography. - Paul Rodriguez


The side with the simplest uniforms wins.


When you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in combat.


Mines are equal opportunity weapons.


We are not retreating, we are advancing in another direction.


If you find yourself in a fair fight you didn't plan your mission properly!

Anybody up for military humor this morning?
Lol, thats some funny ****. All so true.
Reply:Good stuff!
Reply:Got bored after the first 5. Too long. And the first one is printed on a claymore landmine not a rocket launcher.
Reply:I laughed until the tears ran out!
Reply:You need to get " In Country " Flying Fish Records





Then play: " Friendly FAC and Green Beret ". Now THAT is funny!





( sung to the tune " Wreck of the ol 97 " )





Friendly FAC, friendly FAC, this is Green Beret


We see you flying high above, out of danger's way.


If you can spare a moment to help your fellow man,


I wish you'd try to find me, and tell me where I am.





Green Beret, oh, Green Beret, this is your friendly FAC


You see me flying overhead while you're still in the sack.


But still I'll try to find you, and set you people straight


But hurry, 'cause it's steak night, and I don't want to be late.





Friendly FAC, friendly FAC, this is Green Beret


We appreciate your helping send us on our way;


But I really wish you'd think of danger on the ground


Tromping through the jungle, while you just FAC around.





Green Beret, oh, Green Beret, this is your friendly FAC


If you no longer need me, I'm gonna head on back;


I'll settle for a souvenir, whatever you can bag


An AK-47 or a bloodstained VC flag.





Friendly FAC, oh friendly FAC, we've just come under fire!


And if you cannot help us, we'll join the angel's choir.


Automatic weapons, we're really getting hit


So hurry with the fighters, 'cause we are in deep ****!





Green Beret, you were cut out, I read you "numbah ten,"


The C Team's telling dirty jokes, so please transmit again;


You've got Charlie cornered? Please don't let him get away


I've sent a call for fighters, but it may take all day.





Friendly FAC, oh friendly FAC, please get your finger out,


We've tangled with a regiment, of that there is no no doubt;


If you can get us out of Charlie's fearful deadly grip


We'll give you FACs a grateful square in our comic strip.





Green Beret, oh, Green Beret, this is your friendly FAC


Let me take some photographs, in case you don't get back.


Turn this way a little. Hold it. That's the style.


You're on Candid Camera, so let me see you smile.





Green Beret! Hey, Green Beret! They're shooting at this FAC!


I hear the bullets whistling by, I hear the rifles' crack.


I'm missing my siesta; I need a taste of rum,


If you no longer need me, I think I'll head for home.





Oh, thank God! Our fighters now are circling overhead


Charlie's going to wish that he had stayed at home in bed.


He's going to meet his maker in the Land that is to be


We're going to blow his body up and set his spirit free.





Friendly FAC and fighters, I hope you see our smoke;


That first strike came too close to us, it really was no joke!


Green Beret, we're holding high. The FAC, he got it wrong


He thought that you were marking the position of the Cong.





Fighters, this is friendly FAC, please hold it high and dry,


We can get this straightened out, if we all really try.


It really doesn't matter if I mark the friend or foe


'Cause you can't hit a cows rear end, no matter where you go.





Fighters, you're cleared in again, just do the best you can


The situation's all fouled up, beyond the help of man.


Just bomb the general area, and when the smoke clears out,


Well, we'll just count the bodies, and let God sort 'em out.





Now most of us are safe at home, we beat the dreaded Cong,


We simply let it all hang out, to help the war along.


Friendly FAC and fighters will always save the day,


Killing off the Charlies, to the last damned Green Beret.





Note: FAC is Forward Air Controller, the airborne observer who controls supporting fire for a unit in the field.


Recorded on In Country
Reply:haha not bad
Reply:HAHA
Reply:thats great
Reply:What's so damn funny about killing people! I really don't see the humor in it! Only insane people think killing other people is funny! Do you think it's funny?
Reply:those were great made me laugh!

agave